The Wikiness

“Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart.”  –MLK’s Nobel lecture, 1964

Notwithstanding Dr. King’s claim, here’s my attempt to describe it in words. The most pleasing of all human experiences is the deep sense of well-being people mean by “happiness.” In our country’s founding document, happiness’ pursuit is placed in the DNA of the American project, along with life and liberty. But what can elevate mere happiness into what King calls “unutterable fulfillment,” the sensation I call “joy?” In my case, I feel joy when I think grateful thoughts.

The first thought that can transmute contentment into what Schiller and Beethoven made an ode to in his ninth symphony (An die Freude) is recognizing the extreme unlikelihood of my being here in the first place, much less able to reflect on and appreciate what I’m doing. When experiencing a pleasant circumstance–say, soaking in Nature’s beauty or getting along with friends or family–or even an ordinary one–waiting in line at Jewel with strangers–as soon as I can step back from my happy state and reflect on how lucky I am to be here for this moment in all its fullness, my cup overflows, my happiness turns joyful. 

When I focus on events that threaten negative outcomes–the rise of an authoritarian president, say–I cannot yet step back and feel reflectively grateful. I’m finding that when I focus on the next right thing to do, right here, in this body, and these circumstances, perhaps just the next breath, I can then experience contentment, but not yet joy.   

Another mental path to joy for me is considering the results of my actions but not attaching to them. Able-bodied and involved in nurturing relationships, I can presently devote a full measure of attention and effort to basic activities like washing dishes, having conversations, and preparing food. These activities are in themselves pleasant–I’m happy to do them. What elevates them to joy  is the thought that my conscientious, well-executed acts are not merely self-satisfying. They benefit my fellows. Hence the meaning of Paulo Coelho’s statement: “Happiness is something that multiplies when it is divided.”

I think the opposite of joy is despair, a compound of sadness at one’s current unhappy state and the sharp anticipation of future suffering and loss. The difference between sadness and despair can be seen when a cherished elder in a family dies. There is a deep feeling of loss and deep sadness that the loved one is gone, but with time comes acceptance of the loss’ inevitability. But when a child of one’s own is swallowed up in death, one’s sorrow is deepened, doubled into despair with the thought of all the potential happiness and joy lost with the child.

I felt it keenly in the dream I woke up out of at 2 am last night. In it, my grandchild was yanked from my outstretched, grasping hand, pulled down a swirling black hole by a force I associated with Donald Trump.