The Wikiness

Belief is a powerful thing. It brings into being all manner of people and institutions. 

It asserts that certain things are, even when evidence for them is inconclusive. It’s another word for “conjecture.”

But what a fruitful conjecture! When theories gain a critical mass of support, empires are built, paradigms shift, and people’s lives get caught up in belief-based action. 

In 1985, my mother believed that no son of hers could be living in sin with his girlfriend–unless it were temporary and led to a swift Christian marriage. Her belief moved her to demand that I marry this woman. Still, I reminded her of the evidence weighed against it.

“But mom, I am a poor adjunct professor with student loan debt. I barely pay rent. I can’t afford an engagement ring, much less afford a wife.”

“I believe the Lord will provide. In the meantime, I believe I’ll pay for the ring. You get yourself engaged to Jill.”

In my own people-pleasing turn, I believed that mom’s notions of propriety were more important than any considerations of my own. Her belief became the un-questioned basis for my action. And from that action sprang three lovely humans, and with them, new beliefs different than my own.

Mom’s belief willed my kids into existence. 24-year-old me deliberately chose not to act on his own understanding of reality. At his wedding he walked around spouting declarations of faith in marriage that he had borrowed. He didn’t know the Buddha’s instruction: “Believe nothing merely because you have been told it … or because it is traditional… Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings—that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.”

A measure of the strength of one’s Faith is the strength of its offspring, Hope. How hopeful then was I that mom’s worldview was correct, that the reward of the righteous could be realized in our lives together? I tried for a while. I got my bride-to-be to attend a weekend seminar with me run by Christ Church of Oakbrook pastors, who persuaded me that marriage was advisable when the couple was compatible, something thier questionnaires disclosed.

When my wife and I compared responses to statements like “The couple that prays together, stays together” and “It is important for a married couple commit to regular religious practice, it was clear that she wasn’t ready to toe the company line. I was willing to “fake it” until God helped us “make it,” but she honestly wasn’t. Credit to her for having the integrity to not reply falsely as did I, in bad faith.

Within a few months of married life, I was seeking out marriage counseling. Our differences already looked irreconcilable, although I prayed God’s love would save us. I desperately wanted a united home for the kids, and so I desperately believed. 

It took about ten years, but the weight of evidence finally broke my faith in divine intercession.