The Wikiness

Dear Great Grandfathers, 

It’s been 120 years since you were in the full force of your manhood, yet all I have of you are a few stories and characterizations left to me from your grandkids, who were my parents. 

Please dine with me (presuming your magical embodiment nourishes itself at my favorite French restaurant on North Wabash. You remember South Wabash Avenue, don’t you, Grandfather Tom? Though I suppose the development of North Michigan into the shopping zone it is would quite amaze you. The wealthiest people in town live in this neighborhood. It’s called “the gold coast.”

And Grandfather George, be sure to bring an overcoat (if your fantastic embodiment feels cold). It’s a long way from Louisiana, where you lived. 

(After a magical moment) Here we are, my grandsires, at a quiet table for a long series of courses and desserts. Bon apetit! I’ve invited you here to gather information about your lives that I can pass on to my grandsons Henry and Thomas when they’re old enough to understand or read this memoir chapter. They are your great, great, great-grandsons. 

Let’s start with you, Grandfather George. The son of a Confederate surgeon, you grew up in a place where even being one-eighth black meant you couldn’t enjoy the same rights as the meanest Irishman off the boat. Tell me about your life growing up in Reconstruction. What stories did your father the Civil War surgeon tell you? Did he accept the loss? And how did you hope your son and his children would live their lives?

And you, Grandfather Tom, People still revere the golf courses you laid out. You’re the subject of a published biography describing you as “the Johnny Appleseed of American Golf,” responsible for popularizing and democratizing the sport. Before your success in the 1910s-20s, what was it like growing up in Aberdeen, the son of a pie shop owner? What dreams of success moved you to get on a ship bound for the new world? What did you want to achieve? Did you harbor hopes for your offspring’s offspring, or were you mostly focused on present demands?

I ask you both: where did you stand on the woman question. How did your relationship with your wives and daughters work? Did you support female education?

And what about hobbies and vices? Please be honest with me. We’re all programmed to get our dopamine shots from somewhere. I believe you were a smoker, Grandfather Tom, but what about you, Grandfather George? Did you enjoy a whiskey at the end of a long day? Was there a sweet, or a foodstuff of which you habitually partook?

Me, I like carefully plated food such as this. What of you two? Did you have a favorite meal or restaurant? A favorite dining companion?

Other than the Holy Bible, what did you like to read? What music did you enjoy listening to or performing?

We have lots of time–the owner will us stay while they close. Now what were your proudest/happiest achievements? Any regrets?

Finally, please explain your theology to me. And how about some hard-won words of wisdom for the generations that sprang from what sprang from your loins?